Of Course, You Realize, This Means War
by Sparks and Sharps
Summary: It's never a good idea to insult a fangirl's favorite hero. Or her husband. Kotetsu/Tomoe. Swearing and gendered slurs. Oneshot.


_Shit, I haven't done a non-kinkmeme fic in god knows how long._

… _Um, that's it, really. Enjoy the fic_

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><p>There are plenty of perks to being married to a shameless superhero fangirl. For example, when Kotetsu came home giddy with news about the new hero-themed restaurant that just opened (He had heard from Antonio that the salt and pepper shakers were shaped like Mr. Legend. Could this place <em>be<em> any more amazing?), her first words were: "Should we go this weekend, or do you want me to get the keys right now?"

And so there they were, at the Hall of Heroes getting their orders taken by costumed waiters, watching HeroTV reruns on the plasma screens that lined the walls, eating burgers with salt from Mr. Legend-shaped pepper shakers, and generally enjoying the hell out of themselves. For bonus points, the restaurant was actually showing some of Wild Tiger's more impressive exploits from the year before.

Seriously, this was the best restaurant _ever_. Tomoe seemed to agree. At least until...

"God, they're showing _more_ of that Tiger asshole? C'mon, make room for the heroes that _don't_ suck!"

The man's voice came from the booth behind them. Kotetsu payed no mind to the heckling. That sort of thing just happened sometimes. It came with the package of being a hero, no matter how good you were at your job.

Tomoe, on the other hand, got up from her seat.

"Tomoe, are you alright?"

"No," she said, "But I'm going to be once I set a few things straight." The frown on her face was unsettling. Kotetsu hadn't seen Tomoe look this angry since she learned about the bullying he used to endure for being a NEXT. His eyes followed her as she walked over to the booth where the insults came from. Sitting there was a burly man with an Adamantine Avenger cap atop his head.

"Excuse me," said Tomoe, tapping the man on the shoulder. Her voice was hard and more than a bit icy. The man turned at her touch, leering.

"What d'ya want, lady?" he asked through his bushy beard. Kotetsu couldn't tell if he was annoyed by the interruption or if he always just sounded a bit surly.

"I can't help but notice that you were heckling Wild Tiger."

"... And? What's your point?"

"On what grounds do you think you can say that Wild Tiger sucks, mister?" Tomoe asked, hands on her hips.

"Well, for starters, that costume looks like a piece of shit."

Oh, crap.

"... _Excuse __me?_"

His wife's words made Kotetsu wince a little. This wouldn't end well. Nothing that involves insulting a costume Tomoe helped design could possibly end well.

"Are'ya deaf, lady? I _said _his costume is shit."

Hell hath no fury like a fangirl scorned.

"Oh, no. I'm not deaf, sir. I just cant hear you over the _sheer_ _stupidity_ you are currently emanating. That costume was inspired by Mr. Legend's. You can't call something like that shit!"

"Sure I can. What, are you telling me I can't have my own opinion?"

"You can have your own opinion. A good, properly formed opinion. Your opinion does not qualify. The fact that you're an Adamantine Avenger fan can attest to that."

"Wha... You fucking _bitch! _You take that back"

Tomoe pulled back in mock concern. "Oh, did I offend you? Well, I apologize for pointing out your horrible taste in heroes. Adamantine Avenger is a sellout."

"Adamantine Avenger is the current King of Heroes, ya' dumb broad."

"A position he only stole from Wild Tiger through incessant grandstanding and stealing other heroes' arrests. Wild Tiger is the true King of Heroes and everyone knows it."

Kotetsu sighed and sunk a bit into his seat. Adamantine Avenger was a bit more fond of the camera than he was, true, but he wasn't a _bad_ hero. As far as he knew, Avenger got those points fair and square. Kotetsu loved that his wife was willing to go to the mat for him – really, he did – but he wished that she wasn't so... _enthusiastic_ about it.

"What, you actually believe his "a hero's duty is to protect the people, even at their own expense" bullshit? You're stupider than I thought."

… You know what? Strike those previous thoughts from the record. He could deal with HeroTV fans poking fun at his costume, his powers, or his methods. Mocking his and Tomoe's ideals? Not in any damned universe was he going to let that fly. _Destroy_ him, Tomoe.

Tomoe glanced in Kotetsu's direction. Kotetsu couldn't glean the look's full meaning, but he was pretty sure it was something along the lines of: "Permission to completely eviscerate the infidel on your behalf?"

He gave a thumbs up. Nuke him from orbit, sweetie

His wife gave a quick, almost imperceptible nod. She drew in a deep breath before turning back to the Adamantine Avenger fan.

And then she absolutely _ripped_ into him.

Kotetsu leaned back and enjoyed the dulcet tones of "It's valueless ingrates like you that are turning HeroTV into the pale, soulless shadow of what it once was," and the sweet, sweet music to the sound of "I know from personal experience that most Adamantine Avenger fans tend to have moral principles of a fascist." Did his wife just violate Godwin's Law? Yes, yes she did, but she did it with the beauty and grace of a _goddamn __angel._

God, he loved this woman.

He loved this woman so damn much that he didn't mind in the least that her outburst got them both kicked out of the restaurant.

They came home that night and, after they paid the babysitter and put Kaede to sleep, they marathoned Tomoe's extensive HeroTV collection until well after midnight. Neither were exceptionally tired even at such a late hour, but they decided it was probably for the best that they retire to bed.

Not, however, before Tomoe pulled a familiar blue suit out of the closet and gave Kotetsu one of _those_ looks.

And when the two woke up that morning, quite sore but very satisfied, not a single thought was spared on that evil man who dared to sully Wild Tiger's name.

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><p><em>Ah, nerd wars. Is there any war better? Years of reading Fandom_Wank have finally payed off.<em>

_In case you're new to the internet, Godwin's Law is defined as thus: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." There's also corollary that states that anyone who plays the Hitler card loses the argument - But you know who likes this corollary? Hitler._


End file.
